Ooooo Contraversial!

I don’t take myself too seriously but I love a rant or an opinion like the next grumpy old man. Let’s have some then!

If I offend, I don’t really care to be honest

Gravel bikes – marketing bullshit but great fun to ride. One of greatest non-inventions ever invented

Flared Bars – wank ugly bullshit. Ban ’em.

Oval chainrings – better than round ones

Indoor Cycling apparel – FFS

SRAM – Shit Rings And Mechs

Shaved Legs – if I’m in the mood and its sunny. Throw me the oil baby.

Tan Lines – I have no choice

Bikepacking – It’s just touring without the rack mate

£5K+ bikes – The law of diminishing returns. More money doesn’t make you a better or faster rider, just a show-off (which is fine, I am one too lol)

Power meters – I don’t need to be told how hard I’m trying

Disc Brakes – pain in the proverbial but worth the faff

Tubeless – overhyped, only worth it on large-volume tyres

Dropper posts – MTB only!

Sock length – who cares?

Strava – I’m a wanker too, still not paying though

Trek Bikes – ::vomit::

Beer – Carling is not beer kids. Real Ale is real beer

Cake – has to be homemade

Vegans/Vegetarians – Why not? 100% makes sense. I’m part-time, best I can do but still more than most

Women – they secretly rule the world. Love ’em.

UK Population – two thirds are thick, really thick and mostly selfish

Reg plates for cyclists – get in the bin you moron!

Road Tax – see UK Population above

Cycle Lanes – build more, join them up. I swear this country is blind.

Congestion – answer: Prioritise Active Travel – Walking, Cycling, Public Transport

Air Pollution – answer: Prioritise Active Travel – Walking, Cycling, Public Transport, LEZ’s, ULEZ’s

Pavement Parking – Self-entitled wankers, ban it, fine ’em, crush ’em

I can’t park outside my house – That’s a you problem

‘Poor’ car drivers – If you can afford to run a car, you are not poor

The ‘school run‘ – If parents live within a mile of the school, disgraceful

Speeding – worse than a serial killer. Answer: Mandatory speed limiters, zero tolerance. This country is drunk on driver entitlement.

EV’s – Don’t be greenwashed, not the silver bullet we’re being lead to believe. Rammed with embedded carbon from production and will congest our roads still. Only part of the solution. We fell for the car marketing the first time round, don’t do it again FFS

Ebikes/Escooters – Gamechangers!

Local deliveries – (electric) Cargo Bikes not vans. Faster, cleaner, more efficient. Fact.

Climate Change – Look around idiot

Politics – ::yawn:: It’s always the least worst option. Ban career politicians. Ban peerages. Time to change the way we do it.

Cost of Living Crisis – Uncapped profits from public utilities is wrong. Where is the competition a market economy is supposed to give us? but if we have to suffer it to see off Putin, so be it.

Putin – Will someone just pop a cap in his ass please. A narcissistic sociopath drunk on his commy past.

Flat Earthers – 100% debunked everytime. Retards. See UK Population

Friends – I mostly hate people. I’m very picky who I like

How do you murder someone? – run them over on a sunny day and claim you were dazzled

I’m glad I got that off my chest. Have I missed any?